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As Engle says, "Any toy can be used as a couples toy," so it may be helpful to expand beyond the mindset of products that put an emphasis on use during penetration only. Or perhaps you might want to start out with something as simple as a massage oil candle rather than motorized toys. Ultimately, of course, communication is key to figuring out what you’re both comfortable with—and the type of products that you’ll each derive the most pleasure from. Using a lubricant can increase your enjoyment during solo or partner play, but not all types are created equally. "You can't go wrong with water-based lubricant, because it's kind of like the jack-of-all-trades lube and it's compatible with all your toys," says Engle.

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When opening up a conversation about using a vibrator with a partner for the first time, start in a playful way. Some people have hesitant or even negative reactions to sex toys based on their own experiences. You might emphasize that vibrators can open you up to different sensations, fantasies, and positions. They are not a stand-in for another person—they simply enhance your time together, let you get to know each other better, and have some fun.

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